Marathon

Last week was the St. George Marathon which I was lucky (or unlucky) enough to have been randomly chosen out of the lottery to run, and in spite of Marc's continual admonitions of "Death from Marathon" I decided to go through with it.  So here are a few of my special thoughts and spiritual experiences. Remember this is from my point of view as a first time marathon runner, and a beginner runner, so don't be hatin.

Also as a special treat I have included an interactive game for you to play as you read this posting. You will need to get a Sharpie, or any permanent marker. Whenever you see a picture or read mention of a bodily fluid circle it with your marker. If you circle them all you win.

First off, this is the official Logo for the Marathon. I don't particularly agree with this design, as it is a little busy and confusing, the logo however, to my knowledge, has no known effect on runners performance.

We drove to St. George on Friday afternoon and picked up our packets at the runners expo. where I bought a magical wristband, which as you will see, did not help me one bit in the race.

We were fortunate enough to stay at Koreys Dad's condo so it didn't cost anything for the stay. The women folk made us a batch of delicious spaghetti and we went to bed, where I spent the majority of the night not sleeping.

The next day we got up at 4:30 had some grub and Laura and Emily dropped us off to get a ride to the starting line.

While we were running the kids made us some totally rad posters.

This is me and Korey waiting for our ride. Korey was able to get me in on a free ride with the Highway Patrol so we didn't have to ride the bus. This bought an extra hour of laying in bed not sleeping.

When we got to the Starting line there were already thousands of people there. It was insane, it was so crowded. There were people gathered around fires, loud music, and an announcer who continually asked if anyone had an extra ipod charger (which I typically do carry with me on my long runs, but this day had forgotten.)

Pretty much all of the runners were in line for the porta-pottys. I have never seen that many outhouses in my life, it truly was an amazing sight.

It is very important to use the porta-potty before a race or you could end up having a blowout, like this guy. (I really hope he won that race)

Minutes before the gun went off everyone crowded to the starting line where we were packed in like sardines. When the race began it felt more like a march than a race we slowly worked our way forward till everyone was able to spread out a little. The first mile was kind of tight I thought I was going to give someone a "flat tire" and cause a massive pileup (which actually would have been pretty funny)

For those of you who don't know, a Flat tire is when you step on the heel of the person running in front of you causing their shoe to separate from their heel.

There were tons of people urinating on the side of the road.

The first 8 miles went very well we were running a 7 minute mile and feeling good, however at the time I did not realize that I was making a huge mistake. I was running faster than I should have, and I also wasn't drinking nearly enough liquids I was just running through the aid stations and trying to drink while running, which isn't a very efficient way to rehydrate, as most of the water ended up on the ground.

As we approached the infamous Veyo hill I began to slow my pace, and Korey slowly ran out of sight. This hill was very long, fortunately it was fairly early in the race so I wasn't quite dead at this point, and I made the ascent.

The next few miles went fairly well, it was mainly downhill, and very scenic. After running through Snow Canyon I began to suffer the consequences of my earlier mistakes. The temperature was rising, I was dehydrated, malnourished and my calves started to cramp up. The only calories that I had taken in were from a few "Gu" packets and a mini cliff bar. I had never hit the wall so hard in my life.

Needless to say the next few miles were pure hell, I wasn't alone in my suffering I saw three people who had collapsed and were laying on the ground.

I also saw a few people lean over and spew (vomit) right in the middle of the road. One runner was crying out loud from the pain.

At this point in the race I had completely stopped sweating and things weren't about to get any better so I started downing tons of Gatorade, water and bananas at every aid station. This seemed to eliminate the cramping in my legs, and gave me an energy boost.  I also had to stop and stretch my calves a few times.

There was a special station set up that had a lady with latex gloves and a couple gallons of Ben Gay (that's a scary mental picture) so I took advantage and had her rub down my lower legs, this made the pain completely unnoticeable, not because it soothed my muscles but because it made my skin feel like it was on fire and melting, all of the sudden I didn't notice the muscle pain. The worst part about it was having to endure the smell of Ben Gay for the next 6 miles.

   

Now this next paragraph I had originally omitted but I realized that if I did I would not be sharing my true experience and it would not be fair to me or you. So here it is:

 As I mentioned I was extremely dehydrated but all of the sudden I had the immediate urge to use the restroom (#1) There were several porta-pottys at the next aid station, I thought it was kind of odd that a tampon was taped to the door but nevertheless I entered. When I started to urinate I looked at the stream and it was the thickest, darkest, most disgusting pee I've ever seen. I'm sure you logged on in hopes of hearing such a story and that this account left you with goosebumps, and a special feeling, that's just what I do.

 Before reaching town there was another short climb and then it seemed to flatten out. As I ran into town there were hundreds of spectators cheering on all the runners. This was nice because it broke up the monotony of just running mile after mile. I also, out of pure coincidence, saw my uncle Dane, who claims to have taken an excellent picture of my hind side as I ran by. I can hardly wait to see it.

The last mile of the run was literally the longest mile I have ran in my life. As I ran along there were spectators yelling "your almost there just one more mile" so I felt relieved to be on the last mile. About another half mile later another spectator yelled "keep going just over a mile to go" I continued on, hearing similar cheers from others, about a half mile later I saw a marathon sign that said "Mile 25" at that point the only thing keeping me going was the hopes of laying down on the grass and eating an ice cream at the end.

As I rounded the last corner before the finish line I saw Laura, Em, and the kids for a split second.

Here is Aiden and Keyton proudly holding their works of art at the corner just before the finish line.

  As my extremely pregnant Laura ran down the street to snap this pic a spectator yelled "you go girl"  (At Laura, not me...I think)

I always thought I would sprint the last block or so of the race but It was all I could do just to get to that finish line.

Crossing the finish line.  I had to illegally copy these pictures from the web because I didn't want to pay $60 for a digital copy, so they are a little blurry. Hey, don't judge me! By looking at these pictures you too are participating in my theft.

Me and my very own medal

When I walked into the recovery area a volunteer immediately handed me a giant ice cream and I went and laid down on the grass for a while it felt awesome.

In the recovery area there were people everywhere, I saw a few girls laying on the ground curled up in a ball crying, a big guy with chafed/bleeding nipples (he shouldn't have worn a light shirt that day), and it smelled of B.O. (actually I may have been smelling myself)

Afterwards I went to the massage tent where some unfortunate girl had to massage my stinky sweaty body. After the race I stretched for an hour and Laura rubbed me down, I felt great for the rest of that day but I could barely walk when I woke up the next day.

Here are my stats, my goal was to finish in 4 hours so I did okay. I didn't have to be carried out on a stretcher or picked up by the van so I can live with that.

Here are my stats.