There are several reasons for pulling a prank on someone, maybe you just want to get a good laugh at the expense of another, or perhaps you are trying to get even with someone who has previously made you the victim of a nasty prank, or it could be that you are trying to make your worst enemy look like a fool in front of his second cousin, Mildred, who you had a crush on in the third grade. Whatever the reason for your prank the desired outcome is Laughter from both sides (or laughter from one side and pain from the other). However if your prank ends in anger, shouting, hatred, searching your house for a tiny water snake, or getting kicked off the archery range at scout camp, then it is possible that your prank was a failure.
At this time I would like to share a very special story, about a prank that didn't quite work out for the prankster (me). This story is very near and dear to my heart and involves a very immodestly dressed superhero, a glue stick, and one very expensive college book. I would appreciate it if you would turn off your Ipod, and please stop texting your great grandpa so you can be receptive to the spirit.
This story took place about seven years ago but I remember it like it occurred moments ago. Laura and I were spending a Saturday at the Beardalls, when I noticed a small stack of college books that belonged to Jenny (Laura's younger sister) and I picked up a few of them and started thumbing through them when suddenly In a moment of pure genius a great plan was revealed unto me. Now I wish I could say that this wonderful plan involved reading these text books, acquiring a great deal of knowledge and becoming the most knowledgeable man who ever lived, but that would be a blatant lie. The real plan was indeed a wonderful one, but instead of being a plan to use the books to obtain knowledge it was a plan to use the books as a facilitator in the perfect prank.
Now as most of you know hardback college books can be very expensive especially if they are large, and new, so naturally a very large, new book is the perfect tool to execute a good prank. It is also important to keep in mind that any markings or damage done to these books greatly decreases it's value when it is time to sell them after the semester, or when you get kicked out of class for telling an ill timed joke involving a rabbi, a preacher and a bishop who walked into a bar.
For the first part of the prank I went to Laura's Mom's computer and found an amazing picture of a well known superhero named "Captain Underpants" I then printed off an 8 x 10 color picture of this superhero.
If any of you have ever used a textbook then you know that the first two or three pages are typically completely blank and have no real use except perhaps for the occasional doodle, or as a notepad to remind yourself of an important appointment you have at 3:00 in the south parking lot with the school bully. It was on one of these pages that my plan became a reality. Using the glue stick I carefully and very neatly covered the entire first blank page in Jenny's expensive textbook, I then stuck the captain underpants picture to the glue and carefully flattened out all of the bubbles until it looked like it was originally part of the book.
I also, out of moral obligation to honesty, must include in this story that Laura was there while I was in the process of plotting, printing and gluing. I must also tell you that although Laura didn't physically help carry out this joke she supported me in her laughter, and not opposing my actions.
Well my final step in the great plan was to simply place the books back in their original positions and wish I could be there when she saw the picture but hope that she wouldn't see it until she opened up her book in class where other students would see it, make fun of her, and call her "Miss Underpants" for the rest of her life, or until she got married when it would be changed to "Mrs. Underpants"
Their are many activities that can be done on a Saturday, for example you may choose to spend the whole day catching up on some much needed sleep, or doing some neglected work around the house like cleaning the mortar lines in your brick with a toothbrush. But one thing is for sure: Saturdays were absolutely not made for doing homework, so you can imagine my surprise when Jen walked in and immediately picked up her books to begin her studies.
Seeing that my prank was about to prematurely unfold I made like a tree and got the hell out of there. Well in no time at all Jenny had discovered the very offensive picture that was now permanently part of her $150 textbook, and like a true Beardall girl she freaked out. Those of you who have children know that if anyone hurts or offends your child the Mother is typically the first to rush to the child's side, and this was exactly what happened in that moment. Of course there really was no doubt who had committed this despicable, and entirely inappropriate act, it was an outsider, no blood relative would be so ignorant as to destroy a very expensive textbook just to get a laugh. Now I had two people against me, that is until Laura saw how upset her baby sister was and decided that my joke was too much and also turned against me.
The angry Beardall trio quickly tracked me down and proceeded to get all up in my grill about the prank. Carol quickly informed me that those books are very expensive, and that I had completely ruined this book and Jenny would not be able to get a refund at all, and that I don't know anything about how valuable these books are because I have never purchased one. Laura simply asked "why would you do that?" and gave me a very disappointed look.
Jenny was so upset that she just stood there with tears in her eyes, holding her now worthless book in her arms as if though it were a beloved family pet that had just been ran over by a very slow moving ice cream truck. I cannot describe the look in her eyes, but I'm pretty sure if I would have continued to look into her eyes I would've spontaneously burst into flames.
In that moment I was in a situation known as being "cornered", in other words I had three very angry women attacking me with angry looks, verbal assaults, and very unkind thoughts with no way out. I really wasn't sure what to do, I was now hated by my wife, sister in law and mother in law, which for many men is perfectly normal. I stood there for a few minutes while being verbally pummeled until I simply could not handle the complete and unrestrained overreactions, freak outs and unnecessary crying. I decided that I would try to make it all better.
After knowing the Beardall girls for several years I knew beforehand that my prank could possibly fail, and that I could possibly be "cornered" and have to somehow fix the great damage that would be done. For this reason I chose one of those three blank pages in front of the book to be the special spot where I would glue the picture, because any of those three blank pages in front of the book can be removed without causing any noticeable damage. I also knew that new, thick hardback college books are very expensive because I had purchased several in college, (before dropping out and pursuing a very unsuccessfull career in finish carpentry) so I was sure to plan an emergency escape plan.
Well the only thing left to do was to get the textbook out of Jenny's trembling hands, and with the greatest of care extract the contaminated page from the front of the book with a razor knife, and then burn the offending page so that the evil spirits that were trapped in it would be cast out forever.
After removing the picture the Beardall girls were still quite certain that the book's value had been compromised and that she would not receive a full refund at the end of the year. I assured them that absolutely no one would know that that page was missing, but that brought no solace to the angry women. I then told them that if at the end of the year she didn't receive a full refund then I would pay the full price of $150 for the book. At this point the still doubtful Beardall women must have realized that nothing more could be done and the awkward interaction was adjourned. I then walked away, head down and tail between my legs, feeling like a fool.
THE END
