The Marinara Incident!

Judging from the title of this posting you are probably expecting to hear about an exciting new pasta sauce recipe that I have just created, or a new pasta that I recently discovered at the local Olive Garden, and while I do enjoy preparing and especially eating Italian food this entry has absolutely nothing to do with cooking advise. So if you are reading this posting in hopes of expanding your recipe collection then I'm afraid to inform you that you're looking in the wrong spot and should immediately close this window and log on to your favorite cooking website. However if you are reading this posting because you want to read a story containing a very painful burn, poor customer service and one very inappropriate word, or you are extremely bored and have nothing better to do then please proceed to the next paragraph.

Today is my younger brother Clint's birthday so I thought it appropriate to share a very special experience my Family and I had with Clint two years ago on his 25th birthday.

This particular experience all started on a family getaway in Moab, Utah. My parents wanted all of the brothers, sisters and our families to go on a trip for Clint's birthday we have always enjoyed going to southern Utah to enjoy the warm weather while it is still cold up north.

Our vacation started off great, Clint, Tyler and I went on an awesome downhill bike ride called Porcupine Rim.  Since it was his birthday I let Clint borrow my 1995 Specialized Rockhopper hard tail with a whole 1" of plush travel in the front Rock Shock fork. After returning from our bike ride we rested and went on a few hikes with everyone else.

In an unrelated note this is the trip where Laura and I noticed that my Dad basically walks on the sides of his feet leading us all to purchase some Keen hiking boots for him.

Later that night it was time to go to dinner. There are several restaurants to choose from in Moab and on this night we chose to eat at Pizza Hut. We entered the restaurant at about 8:30 P.M. I'm pretty sure the workers were kind of upset that such a large group was coming in right before closing time, but to the best of my knowledge their anger and the incident about to occur were completely unrelated.

We sat down and ordered plenty of Pizzas, root beer, and cheese sticks for everyone.  After ordering we engaged in deep and inspiring conversation probably about the funniest and most recent viral videos on YouTube. As we continued our conversation the waitress brought out our sodas and then returned with three large plates each containing one order of cheese sticks and one eight ounce container of marinara sauce. The waitress started setting these plates down starting on one end of the table, then the middle. Next she made her way to the end of the table where we were setting.

On this specific night Laura and I had the great opportunity of sitting right next to my brother Clint. Why would I consider myself so fortunate to be sitting next to Clinton?  Maybe it's because he's very handsome and desirable to look upon, or because he wears perfumes, cremes, and body lotions that smell very good. Perhaps it's because he tells very funny stories and everyone wants to sit right next to him, or it could be because he never passes gas and one never has to worry about being the unfortunate victim of an "SBD". While all of these reasons may be true (especially the one about the lotions) none of these contributed to my being fortunate in sitting next to Clint on this night.

Okay, as I was saying the waitress made her way to our end of the table going mostly unnoticed to us, as she attempted to set down the final plate of cheese sticks she slipped, dropping the container of Marinara sauce and spilling it's entire contents on Clint's hands and wrists. If any of you have had any experience with the study of human biology this means you are much more educated than I, it also means that you know that it takes anywhere from one to three seconds for the brain to receive a signal from another part of the body telling it that something terribly wrong has happened. Well this was the case with Clint at first when the sauce was spilled Clint remained very calm but within seconds his brain received signal from his hands telling it that someone had spilled scalding hot Marinara sauce all over them. He suddenly jumped out of his seat shaking his arms profusely to cool them off "Holy.......Crap" he said. As the pain increased and all of the energy from the volcanic sauce seeped into Clint's arms that's when he said it......"Son of a......." and then a short pause ".....Bitch" never before had these words been spoken with such intensity as in that moment, he even briefly paused mid sentence to quickly decide whether or not this incident merited such filthy and foul language to which he quickly concluded that yes indeed his language was justified.

We were all surprised at Clint's reaction, we weren't sure whether to douse him with cold water, grab him and roll him on the ground as if he were on fire or just laugh. Tyler was especially surprised as this was the first time he had ever heard Clint swear.

The waitress didn't quite know what to say or do, she fetched some fresh paper towels to clean up the mess and I believe she may have muttered a half hearted "sorry" but that was it, no discount or free soda, not even a coupon, after that she hardly even came back to our table even though we were the only table in the place. It is also important to note that the manager was present at the time but did not even bother to come out and make sure everything was okay, or even offer Clint a complementary ride to the emergency room.

Well after that whole inconvenient marinara incident (that was clearly Clint's fault) there was nothing to do but enjoy our dinner and give Clint dirty looks when we ran short on marinara sauce. And yes Clint's going to be okay........after a few years of therapy and some scar reduction treatments.