The Snake

Finding myself without any significant talent, or skill worthy of your time I have decided to waste the next few minutes on another short story.

Now, before reading this story I must first make a few things clear. First, I do not think myself to be any sort of writer or story teller, so if you think that this story is grammatically incorrect, poorly punctuated or entirely wrong, then it would be important for you to keep in mind that I simply don't care. Second, this story may or may not include you, I think it would be safe to conclude that 99.999 percent of all story's written in this world do not include you, but that doesn't make them boring or not worth reading, therefore if you do not hear your name, or the name of anyone you know, please don't turn off your mind. Third and perhaps most important, it is crucial for you to consider the fact that this story, or any other story I have ever attempted to create, could, and possibly will offend you in one or more ways so please either decide not to take it personally or discontinue reading.

The past few stories that I have shared with you have been about pranks or jokes that have gone completely wrong, this story too is about a joke that went wrong, it contains one very elaborate and carefully thought out plan, one tiny water snake, and a toilet, I will call it:


THE SNAKE

In most cases when you hear someone talking about snakes and toilets it would be safe to assume that they are talking about trying to unclog a toilet using a plumbing tool called a snake, after someone had an unusually large bowel movement, or a child tried to flush a barbie doll. This story is not about clogged toilets, it is about a real snake, and a real toilet that is, to the best of my knowledge, not clogged at this moment.

The few of you who know me well, and the even fewer of you who are still reading this story, know that I like to pull pranks on people, most of which usually turn out to very offensive, hurtful, and make people cry. This pranking also makes me a target for other peoples pranks, which I am sad to say is exactly what happened on this day.

The incident took place one summer day a few years back. I had just finished a long hard day's work and had arrived at home, typically after arriving home the first thing I do is scavage the kitchen for any kind of treat, then after failing to find something to eat I make my way to the bathroom. As you may know the facilities at the job sites are not exactly the most enjoyable place to relieve ones self, so it is wise to just hold it until you get home. Well, this day was no different and for your information, I'm happy to say that everything went okay in the bathroom.

After leaving the bathroom Laura approached me with a smirk on her face and asked me how it went, which I found a little odd, but not wanting to be rude I told her everything came out just fine, and I continued down the hall. She quickly approached me again and said, trying not to laugh "Are you sure nothing weird happened in there?" to which I responded "No everything was fine, should I be concerned about something?", "Um...No....... Really? nothing happened?" she said, I could tell by the look on her face that she was now worried about something. I asked her what was going on, so at this point she had no choice but to confess to a great plot and conspiracy, to which I was the target of wrongdoing.

Earlier that day Laura's Mom, Carol, had come up to take Laura to lunch. That same morning Carol had found a tiny water snake in her yard and thought it would be funny to use this snake to pull a prank on me. So while at lunch the two of them devised an evil plan,  Laura was to wait until she heard the sound of my truck in the driveway, then quickly put the snake in the toilet, and greet me at the door as if nothing suspicious were taking place, the snake would take care of the rest when I was to use the bathroom. So now you can see why Laura was so surprised when nothing unusual occurred in the bathroom.

The prank had obviously failed, after much deep deliberation, Laura and I concluded that the snake had met his demise by being flushed down the toilet. Laura then went back to folding the laundry and I went back to the kitchen to look for more food to eat. About ten minutes I heard a loud and startling scream come from the hallway, thinking that something terrible had occurred I quickly ran to see what had happened....

When I arrived to the scene of the scream I saw Laura standing on one foot in the corner holding her leg up to protect herself, like a cartoon elephant trying to escape from a mouse, and pointing at the linen closet floor. I looked over expecting to see a fierce Badger, a ferocious cottontail rabbit, or perhaps a very incorrectly folded towel, but what I saw was none of these, It was the cutest and tiniest little water snake I had ever seen in my life.

The elaborate plan formed by Mother and Daughter that day had not only completely and utterly failed, but it had backfired on the prankster, causing an incredible amount of humiliation and stress to take place, especially after I refused to get the snake out of the house.

After enough begging I finally did take the snake outside where it was later found in the road, as flat as a pancake, after being ran over by an extremely fast moving car.

And we all lived happily ever after (except for the snake)

If any of you need tissues to dry your eyes, their is a fresh box in the kitchen next to the bread.